Eating or creating?

I don’t know if it happens with a lot of people, but for me it is becoming almost impossible to eat while I am working. And also to eat when I am about to work.

I can not focus well on what I am doing. I feel that I am not giving my maximum because I have to divide the attention between eating and working (writing, reading, programming, thinking, feeling the creation). And I am arriving to a point where I really ponder if it is worth to eat considering how concentrated I am in my work and what I could get done if only I would not stop to eat in that specific moment.  My approach is to stop and imagine the potential outcomes of both choices. Sometimes I do prefer not to eat.

I am arriving to a point where I feel relief every saturday because I know the next day is Sunday – my fasting day – and I know I will be able to have a lot of work done simply because I will not have to bother with eating. It is just keeping hydration with water and focusing on my writing, reading, thinking, modeling, meditating… (Omg. It is such a relief…)

The thing is that I like to eat. I like to feel the food flavour in my mouth. I feel pleasure through the flavour of food and the sensations that eating makes me feel. So, it works like a scape from the problems. From the “to do’s”. And as such, many times I overeat. Not to think. Not to worry. To feel so overwhelmed that there’s no space for my existential issues…

But also, it lets no space for my creativity either. Read More »

Advertisements

Unstoppable: swimming in my own lane.

I am finally realizing why did it take so long to me to enter in this “always creating” mode. I just can not help it. The ideas come. And they keep on coming. And I am always excited. And wanting to spread them to all over the world.

I am sat in the toilet and just can not stop writing. Thinking. Creating.

My whole life is a quest – just like everyone else’s is. But now I finally have found what I was looking for. I have found myself. I have found my love.

As a “black woman”, I was raised to be “the best” (in comparison with whom??). As an “engineer” I was trained to be efficient and profitable. But as a human (and infinite) being I am learning to be myself. I do not have time to lose.

I am seeing that the state of the world today is simply the product of our disconnection from ourselves. From our inner self, our true authentic being, and our true and unique nature.

Humanity has bought the scarcity and separation discourse. And it has been plunged into suffering and fear ever since.Read More »