Surrendering to the humanity of a white man.

After all this period of going deeper into myself, I finally experienced how it is to be human with another human in its whole.

I finally surrended to vulnerability. To authenticity. To love.

I had a great day of sharing, talking, listening, smiling… And I am wirting about it because I want to feel it. I am it. I am surrender, I am whole.

I surrendered to the humanity of myself. With its weaknesses, imperfections, love and curiosity. To its full extent.

I went to the Gay Parade in Amsterdam with my friend. And there we met another friend of hers. A man. At first I treated him well. I was in this “Viqui, be human. He is another human with his own fears and insecurities just like you. And he deserves love just like you”. In fact, this is a post it in my home’s door. To remind me about it everytime before I step outside. But soon after I started to be not so comfortable. A quick and small relapse.

He’s man, white, with blue/green eyes… attributes that in old times would unleash antipathy and “defensive” modes in me. Prepared to a war.

But this time I made things different. I got in contact with the human in me and from this humanity, I got in contact with the human in him. I was kind. I smiled. I looked at him in the eyes all the time. Smiling. Responding. Being present… I was really working from inside to practice acceptance and love. First with myself. And then with him.

And oh my god…. what a change.

What a change…

And he retributed. With respect. Kindness. Smiles. Curiosity. Looking into my eyes. Treating me respectfully. Just like he would treat any other woman.

The tipping point was when I saw the videos that I asked him to send to my whatsapp. I was thinking about the way I would respond in order to be polite, but not too cute – because he could think I was interested in him -, neither excessively and unnecessarily kind…

But then, I remembered the amazing tip my great ultra hiper mega beautiful friend Tati gave me some weeks ago. Something like this: “Viqui, you have issues with men. You have always had. But they are as humans as you are. They feel the same. They are the same as anybody else. So, when you get yourself overthinking about how to respond to a man, think on how you would proceed if he was a woman.”

And it was what I have done today!!! And it worked!! I sent that cute emoticon with hearts as eyes and wrote “Gratitude.”. Omg!!! I felt such an amazing relief!!! I can be cute!! I can be myself. I can express my beautiful emotions. ❤ It was so unbelievable.

And in the moment that I treated him like I deserve to be treated, I was treated the way I deserve to be treated. Amazing experience. Amazing learning. We are all souls. Touching each others’ hearts.

For some, this all might seem something obvious. But for me it was not. And for a lonnnnnngggg time…

The truth is that: We are mirrors of each other.

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