Welcome to my world…

 

vic na flor de lotus com bolinhas

Art by Bia Watanabe.

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I am a guitar

This is a very special moment in my life. Ok, all moments in my life are special. hahaha

But this is a great moment indeed. The moment I am leaving he cocoon. Gently. Calmly. Sweetly. With some bounces back, but going on consistently.

I am learning how to play the most special instrument ever. Myself. I have just realized how close to a musical instrument I am. And that I have to know this instrument well in oder to take the most beautiful song from it.

This insight came while I was touching myself… Giving myself pleasure.

I am completing one week of my journey on Tantra. Practicing trantric masturbation. Read More »

Resting from the electronics! #MeditatingWithViqui will be back next week. :)

 

Hi dearests! Explaining my absence today and my offline retreat during this week! See you next week! 😙Olá pessoal!!…

Posted by Victoria Santos on Wednesday, August 30, 2017

That simple.

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I do not have plans.

I do not have goals.

I do what I feel.

I go with the flow.

This is my natural state.

As a force of nature.

A tree does not wonder.

If its going to grow greater.

It grows, it flourishes.

As for this purpose it exists.

Limits it never acknowledges.

Limits it never sees.

Reminding myself to be able to continue

I have chosen to do a PhD because I wanted to be a researcher, because I believed that I would only have the credentials to do so if I had a PhD. Also, I wanted to have autonomy to do whatever I wanted. To go and save the world. Autonomy to start the research line I wanted without anybody questioning my capacity and legitimacy.

I had forgotten about it! Omg! Currently, I was stuck on thinking that nobody needs a PhD to do whatever he/she wants to. Especially now that I’ve found out what really matters: the individual change from the inside out.

It has been really hard to keep my motivation for finishing the PhD. But yeah, it is true. It makes life easier. Especially if I am about questioning the common sense.

Since the beginning, I have always knew that being an academic was not a primary goal. I never dreamed about being a professor. I have always craved for being a catalyst to make the world a better place. To make a difference.

Now I remember that this was what I used to say when people asked me about what were my plans with the PhD. <Yeah! This is it!>

It is amazing how I got lost in my way up to here! How I started building my vision according to external expectations. What a challenge it is to keep myself centered. Integrated. Whole. Centered into what I believe. Into what I started building. Into my true life purpose.

I got lost in the waves of hatred. Anger. Fear. I disconnected myself from my self. And now I am here, struggling to have strength to finish this PhD. Giving no value to it at all. Doing things as if I were a prisoner obliged to do heavy work. I had lost touch with my inner conscience that it was never about the PhD itself. It was only about making life easier.

So I don’t have to make this PhD a cross I have to carry. It is not a cross. I am not a martir for doing a PhD. It was never about it. I misled it in the process. The PhD is not my pinnacle. And I knew it since when I started it. But I misled it in the process. I was seduced with the illusion of prestige. I went with the flow of blaming the others, of being a victim… putting more value and weight in this PhD than it deserves.

It is not a cross. I am not a martir.

It is only a page in my life book. I just need to turn it. And move on.

My pinnacle is beyond.

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