Art by Bia Watanabe.
Art by Bia Watanabe.
These days, I have been connected with it and today everything made sense.
My intelligence, my fast thinking, my engineering background, my language skills… these are all abilities that are meant to make me flow with ease. They are not my life challenges. They are resources.
For so many years I have been mistaking them for my real life purpose… so much time and energy on it…
and they are not.
They are in fact my passport to a smooth and comfortable life… the means for me to smile and keep on moving… not suffering… being thankful instead.
I don’t need to fear.
My real challenge resides in the understanding of what life is all about. Resides in understanding who am I. In getting to know deeper and deeper the pathway and purpose of my soul on planet Earth.
I came here to relax. To be calm. And wake up.
Hence, my real challenges reside in meditation and connection with my higher self. In understanding and living upon a deeply ingrained feeling of self-worth and joy.
I am worthy. No matter what.
My real challenges reside in understanding what Love is all about and living upon it.
And existing upon self-love.
This is my life purpose. This is where my energy must be invested in most of my time.
The PhD and my professional life are gifts.
They are blessings meant to make my life flow calmly and smoothly while I learn what I have to learn. And live what I have to live in order to achieve what I have to achieve. That is an expanded consciousness. An integrated existence with my body, mind, and soul. Understanding the power of my DNA. The power of being my own oracle. Connected with the creative source of the Universe.
Being human and being boundless.
All is one.
And I am grateful.
I am living in a world where there is so much to be done. Several times (in fact, all the time), I used to push myself to do as much as I could. With tension. With a feeling that nothing would be enough. Feeling guilty and not giving attention to my family and to myself.
But now I understand that everything has its own pace and that just by existing I am already doing what I came here to do.
Things are working out and progressing. Each contribution is THE contribution. Each drop of effort is building the ocean of peace, health, happiness and joy for humankind on Earth.
Each drop. Each step. Each piece. Each inch is relevant. And I am one of them.
I am learning to feel enough about myself. And I am also learning that each human that came before me has also done his/her part. Has also put a drop in the enlightened ocean. Making it bigger and deeper inch by inch.
Somehow I have installed into myself a software of feeling good when I feel I am superior in some way (as if that existed). I am still comparing myself to others. I can’t believe it. But it is true. I still find my brain judging. Looking for flaws in others’ work in order to feel good and righteous. This is so unnecessary. But it is in me. Still. And I am not going to fight myself. I am not going to judge myself. I am just acknowledging. And accepting. Read More »
O template mais atualizado cujo link foi disponibilizado nesse post eh para tese toda em portugues (somente com um abstract em ingles). Dai, mesmo escrevendo a tese em ingles, os titulos das secoes: sumario, lista de figuras… capitulos, apendices e bibliografia permanecem em portugues. Alem disso, ha o perrengue de o titulo principal da tese ser em ingles e ele ja vai automaticamente para resumo em portugues, enquanto o titulo em portugues, que deveria ser encarado como a “foreign language” na tese escrita em ingles, vai para o template do abstract em ingles. Ou seja, fica invertido. Resumo com titulo em ingles e Abstract com titulo em portugues.
A boa noticia eh esses dois detalhes sao facilmente resolviveis.
Gracas aos meu querido amigo Leo (gratidao, querido ♥), resolvi esse perrengue hoje. Entao, como boa compartilhadora que sou, deixo aqui o caminho das pedras. Todas as mudancas eh no arquivo coppe.cls (arquivo tipo LaTex Class).
Vamos la, primeiro o resumo/abstract:Read More »
*I’ll look for their scientific names later. Vou buscar o nome cientifico depois.
Batata doce (Sweet potato)
Cassava (yuka, manioc…)
Inhame (do not know the name in English)
Banana da terra (“Soil’s Banana”)
Again I did not do what I said I would. Again.
I do not have courage to write to you justifying myself anymore. I really don’t. I don’t know what to say.
I say I am going to do something and I don’t. This is so recurrent. It seems like it lacks in me a kind of sistematization in terms of what I can and can not do. Should I start planning by a day basis? Like, I am doing this today, so if I don’t, tomorrow I am going to do something else.
At the same time, I know that I can not control life. And somedays Ii am not in the mood of dong something and in the other day I am. So, there is a conflict about my nature and my reasoning. I think this is the burden of discipline. Doing what I know is the best to me even if I am not in the mood to do so or even if something else happen. There’s always a way to get the thing done. There is always a way. Always. And I need to connect with it right now. It is mandatory to me. Man-da-to-ry. It is one month, Victoria. One month and then you’ll be able to relax again. One month. Put all your heart and mind on it. All your will. All your strength. And get things done. Turn of all the distractions. I mean ALL THE DISTRACTIONS. Live in the university. Arrive at 8h and leave at 22h. But have this thesis done. If you do not have the book. Buy it. Do not waste time digging in the internet. Buy it and that’s it. The same for papers. Just right. Just move on.
And I., thanks a lot for everything. I wish I could press the reset button. I would have done things very differently. I would have shared much more. But yeah. In my model still lacks verification because of the changes I have implemented before having the first tests. This the problem of not working in rounds. Testing, finishing versions formally. And then starting another. Like in a project. Because this is what it is. I have been learning the hard way the relevance of doing science iteratively. The relevance of colaborating. Of being honest above all.
So many lessons learnt. So much experience in a short time.
But let’s move on. We can not draft life. It is always for real.
Avoid things like (in bold):
set farmArea (first [[farmArea] of myFarm] of myself) + [farmArea] of my-new-farm
let my-farm [myFarm] of myself
set farmArea [farmArea] of my-farm + [farmArea] of my-new-farm
Reason: Netlogo does not work well with of…of clauses. Its commands are instable in this condition. Once it reads as value and another it reads as a list. So, one can never know when the sintax is going to work or not.
If you have different experiences, please comment here.
Gente, estou amando ter deixado o blog desbloqueado para escrever livremente enquanto trabalho na minha tese.
Nao nao tenho tempo para isso.
Mas, ao mesmo tempo, o blog tem servido de dreno para meus pensamentos incessantes. Entao tem ajudado a esvaziar minha mente para eu focar no trabalho. Pelo menos eh essa minha impressao agora. Simbora.
Ultimamente tenho percebido o quanto sou rebuscada na maneira de me expressar. Ate no trabalho. Ate no modelo que estou escrevendo. Ate em ingles. ao inves de digitar simplesmente t/y, eu escrevo tonne/y. Ao inves de eu descrever os investidores como agentes que investem, eu escrevo que investidores sao agentes que “realizam investimento”.
Eu hein. Sera que eh a minha antiguidade inata??
0.o de novo…